barbara walters just said penis...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
