Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My vagina just clenched in fear
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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