Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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