I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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