I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
