the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
