mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize