We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
