What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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