I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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