my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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