haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
