Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
