Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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