We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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