By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize