Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
