Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
