Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
