Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
