Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
