you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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