I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it's like heaven, but drunker
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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