she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
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Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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