i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
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That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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