what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dating After Heartbreak
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.