I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
