Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
