I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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