The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
