yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
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Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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