So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize