Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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