All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Banned from zoo.
Again?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
