you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Found the puke drawer
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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