im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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