just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
