I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
