FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
