24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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