Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
