Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
