What a fucking waste of an outfit
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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