Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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