I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
