me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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