i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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