She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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