Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
