she woke up with a sticky ear
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
