I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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