My sheets look like a crime scene.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
