rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
