i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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