I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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