Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
