Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
